Raging Out At... Bus Driver Trickery

It has been brought to my attention that the shady renegade vans I take into Manhattan daily are run by thieves and liars. And no, I did not see that coming.

Every morning, I take the renegade van into work instead of taking NJ Transit. The reason for this is three-fold. One, I was once hit by a NJ Transit bus, so screw them, am I right? Two, it costs two dollars with a ticket instead of an unreasonable 4 dollars. And third and most importantly, I am HELPING the economy by providing income to something other than the monopoly that is NJ Transit. Ok, it's mostly the saving 2 dollars thing, but still. I'm a patriot if you think about it.

There is actually a method to these renegade vans. I'm not just hopping on a random piece of public transportation hoping to get where I'm going. I know better than that. (I could end up on this random Peanuts-decor rape van I saw over the weekend. ) Now I am aware there's a language barrier between the driver and I most of the time but I follow the rules, people. Not always my strong suit.

Actual rape van spotted on Manhattan street

All the vans cost 2.50 without a ticket, but if they go to Gate 51 you can buy a ticket for 2 dollars. That dollar a day it saves me is totally helping me save up to buy this. Most of the vans that don't go to Gate 51 will still accept your ticket as they're always desperate to fill up with passengers. Being the responsible consumer that I am, I always ask the drivers before getting on the van. And they ALWAYS say yes.

And then you arrive in Manhattan where the drivers turn into said thieves and liars. This morning (not for the first time, may I add), I hand the driver my discount ticket only to have him inform me that he does not accept tickets and I need to hand over 2.50. Hell no, dude. We already had this discussion. It's practically like an iron-clad written contract. I'm not getting swindled out of 50 cents. You don't get to just corner me and humiliate me in front of the other passengers. I'm not easily embarrassed and plus, who carries cash anymore, anyway?

So instead of starting my day peacefully, it inevitably turns into warfare and I'm not backing down. He threatens to take me all the way back to New Jersey and I tell him to go right ahead. If he does that, he's only wasting space that could be taken up with another passenger he can hoodwink out of their 50 cents. Go right ahead, dude. I don't even want to go to work anyway.

Ultimately, I win the battle but I'm still losing the war. I'm up my 50 cents until this evening's humiliation rolls around. It's only a matter of time before every NJ resident regards me as the miser.

grievance: coffee cups in the media

I do understand how strange a title this is for a grievance and that it's not altogether clear what the hell I mean by this.  Every time you see someone with a cup of coffee, or tea, or what-have-you, depicted in the media... ANY television show, movie, etc., anything which is scripted, for some reason, they don't think to actually put some kind of fluid into the cup.

This may seem like a silly grievance but it really, really bothers me.  And it's just SO ubiquitous that I'm enraged pretty much every time I watch TV or see a movie.  The reason it just boggles my mind so violently is: SO much time is spent on filming shit.  And there are props PEOPLE.  And a lot of time, I'm sure, it's difficult to get exactly the precise prop which is desired.  So to have it all fucked up over the non-putting of fluid into a coffee cup or mug is just so egregiously offensive.

The reason is because a cup filled with coffee moves on a different trajectory than one which is empty.  Try it yourself.  I'm sure you'll see.  So, people go into coffee shops and buy coffee and then whisk about with this "full," brand new cup of coffee.  And even drink from it.  I'm fine with the non-drinkage.  It's not spatially upsetting.

How do movies like Avatar exist with such precision and detail and then eff it up because they didn't put any water into the damned cup?  Pisses me off royally.  This one especially since I find Anne Hathaway so damned irritating:

Who holds coffee like that?  Not this broad:

-moon

grievance: mercury in retrograde

I really don't know too much about astrology.  I really don't.  But I kind of like it.  I suppose because it gives some purported larger meaning to things which happen to us.  It's a little too flimsy a concept into which for me to buy, however the fact that there are real forces associated with planetary phases (most notably the tides which correspond with phases of our moon) makes me kind of feel "okay" with attributing things which happen in the lives of us insignificant peons on earth to this.  But apparently Mercury is in something called "retrograde":

So, now I shall address this: the strangest damned stuff has been happening to me.  ALL of it has been incredibly GOOD, save for one unexpected, mild disappointment, so it's not as if I am complaining.  (An aside: what the hell is "save for"?  From where did that "idiom" (I'm not sure it's really an "idiom," per se) come?  As my high school Latin teacher used to say... Thus I digress.)

The point is that I'm just a little baffled by all of this stuff going on.  I've become reacquainted with people whom I'd entirely written off... I've had unexpectedly wonderful things happen career-wise... and I've had people start acting in ways altogether antithetical to the ways in which they'd acted a mere few weeks ago.  While, again, these have all been pretty amazing things... the reason this is a "grievance" is because it makes me feel wholly helpless as to my life's path, because it's not like I didn't deserve these good things (some more than others), but the simultaneity of it all just... well... as eloquent as it is... FREAKS me out.

Stop moving weirdly, Mercury.  Thanks.

-moon

P.S. It's been so long since either stars or I blogged that, happening upon all of the "labels" we have for our blogs, I kind of want to label this one with "being taped to a couch" because I'd forgotten how funny it is.  I think I will.  Eat it, logic.

grievance: technology making me suck at blogging

I've been looking through my Twitter and Facebook accounts recently because I need to start being a better human being with regard to splaying my life all over the internet, when it dawned upon me that often times, many of my status updates and tweets are mini grievances.  One-line grievances.  With no witty, insane digressions.  Just my being angry.  And I realized that I've become lazy and no longer have the energy to even BLOG.  Ridiculous.  So, I am vowing to get back to blogging, especially because it has been vocalized to me by some people that they miss the blogs.  

Today: What the HELL is George Bush DOING while Obama is speaking? He's like swaying and, I think, trying to get closer to the spotlight. And they just zoomed in ON Obama, I can only surmise, because Bush was being a legit creepo!
1/13/10: 24 Degrees AGAIN?!?!?!  Forget this.  I can't even.  I'm bring my Snuggie to work today.  Hideous
12/23/09: New Rule: You're not allowed to say my BlackBerry sucks & your iPhone rules if during that text ya make 5 typos.  Seriously ppl GET KEYBOARDS
12/23/09: Eek.  I thought that I'd want Zach Braff to be on Scrubs forever, but yeah, no.  It's time ta go.
12/16/09: Walking behind a woman smoking a clove cigarette.  WHO smokes cloves?!?!?!  Ah, smells like being 13.
12/14/09: The elevators in my office building are SO whack.  A. They take forever and B. At any given moment, I could fall to my death.  Bad news.
12/12/09: The show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" is SOOO whacked!!!  How do you NOT know you're friggin' pregnant?!?!
12/9/09: Crap!  How do I look decent for holiday parties tonight with what's going on outside?!?!
12/2/09: Disgusted by the 24-38 vote against Marriage Equality.  Only 24 voted for?  What is this State?
11/29/09: Ugh hate waking up to a missed call at 3am without a voicemail from a number I don't know.  Creepy.  Like, what, I can't call back NOW?
11/28/09: "The City" is legit the worst show on television.  I took a hiatus from it about a year ago and just tried to watch it.  Not even watchable!
11/26/09: Why are cheerleaders dancing to Chris Daughtry?  It looks weird as fuck.
11/16/09: "Ftw" makes me rageful.  Sorry.
11/14/09: Ok why does my MacBook tell me to update iTunes like every 4 days?  Enough, dude.
11/11/09: In case anyone was wondering... Strep Throat can still bite me.
11/10/09: Does anyone else think it's weird that the twins on Girls Next Door wear the same thing every single day and sleep in a bed together?
11/9/09: Why does #gossipgirl think it's okay to portray a 26 year old as having run for and won a Congressional seat? ...in Manhattan?  Yeah.  Ok.
11/9/09: Why does fkn Facebook keep telling me to "Make Facebook better for him/her!"???  It's not my fkn problem he/she can't keep up on his/her shit
11/6/09: I hate unprofessionalism.
11/3/09: I do NOT understand Stuyvesant Town.  Neither does Tim.  Seriously.  It makes zero sense.
10/29/09: I really can't stand it when I'm standing by the elevator waiting and someone comes up and hits the button.  Do you think I didn't already?!
10/11/09: Pee Wee's Big Adventure is insane.  And kindof frightening as an adult.  Bro is WAY too into his bike.
10/4/09: Life keeps sucking.  Just walked into the kitchen to find 2 inches of soap and water covering the entire floor.
9/29/09: Apparently my hair "looks good like this."  I know this because my doorman decided to let me know.  Awkward.
9/28/09: Walking with my blazer over my head 'cause of rain and a small male child on the street who was doing PIROUETTES just said "hey Lady Ga Ga."
9/22/09: Just saw a young girl on 1st ave and 14th street wearing a bathingsuit.  On September 22nd.  EVERYTHING fail.
9/20/09: As much as I separate love both Blondie and the French language... Lordy loo.  Debbie Harry's French in "Sunday Girl" is trash.  Sorry.
8/30/09: Damn you, Time Warner Cable.  True Blood is pixelated and un-watchably recorded.  Suck it.  I hate you.
8/24/09: What happens when you put "irrespective" and "regardless" together?  NOT A WORD.  See also: "irregardless."  Ugh.
8/19/09: I abhor people who whistle.  I have bitter, longstanding enmity for them.  Gross.

I'll post some more later.

-moon

grievance: being spit on

So about 2 weeks ago, I was sitting outside of work having a cigarette. Right outside of my office's alcove-y thing/entrance, I turned left and sat on the bench-like thing (colored cyan and circled in red) inside the parking garage. Here I have provided you with a "drawing" so you can understand the physicality of this all:

So there I was, enjoying a mid-day cigarette on a warm, sunny afternoon when someone came around the bend from the weird alcove-y thing and straight around the corner, with a full mouth of water, and as he turned, he decided to spit all of this water out. And it just so happen to land ON me.

He felt really bad and all and tried to wipe me off, because I was legitimately covered in his saliva-laced Poland Spring, but I'd just like to know: A. who gargles on the street? and B. How does one become so unaware of his or her surroundings that he thinks he can whiplash 'round a corner and spit? Ew. I wonder if I have swine flu now.

-moon

Relatedly: I hope this blog gets me some awesome stalkers who love to spit.

grievance: thinking you can go to work after taking a red-eye l.a.-n.y. flight

What the fuck was I thinking? I must be absolutely insane to think that these events would or could lead to my being able to function this wonderful, rainy Monday morning:

9:15pm L.A.: Get to airport late for a 9:50pm flight;
10:30pm L.A.: Take off from LAX;
11:00pm L.A./2:00am N.Y.: Fall asleep;
11:00pm L.A./2:00am N.Y. - 2:00am L.A./5:00am N.Y.: Sleep really badly due to scary, scary turbulence;
2:15am L.A./5:15am N.Y.: Wake up in rainy, cold, grey New York;
4:15am L.A./7:15am N.Y.: Arrive home;
6:00am L.A./9:00am N.Y.: Get to work and make NO sense whatsoever, i.e. MAJOR SPEAKING FAIL.

So I fell asleep at 11:00pm, woke up after barely sleeping 3 hours and woke up at 5:15am in a different place? I don't know where I am or when I am and I feel like I may possibly be in an episode of Lost.

Help!

Judgment Fail.  Itinerary Fail.  Travel Fail.  Person fail.

-moon

moon's attempt at "raging out at... people thinking alcohol poisoning is a thing"

This is going to be a “rageout” written on BEHALF of stars but by moon.  We have decided that it would be a great experiment to see how well I (moon) can effectively tell a story from stars’ point of view with stars’ voice and tone.  She has edited it and all of her additions are italicized and all of her omissions are... well... omitted via strikethrough.  Here we go...

-  -  -

So, the other night I was informed that someone I know whom I already find to be of dubious character got alcohol poisoning.  And had to have, and I quote, “an ambulance called on her.”  Not even by someone who knew her… nope, nope, nope… by a random.  And it dawned on me first that that is the most embarrassing, ridiculous thing ever.  What do you even have to DO to get alcohol poisoning? And furthermore, what the hell kind of hijinx were you participating in to force someone to call said ambulance on you? I could give a few examples of my drunken behavior, but I feel the FBI would show up at my door within minutes of posting if I did.  Realistically, if you’re drinking that much, the body’s normal reaction is to throw up.  I wouldn’t even know how to GET alcohol poisoning because I’ve sure as hell tried. taken my body weight down in vodka and never achieved a state of poisoning. 

So then I realized that this is not a thing.  Alcohol poisoning is just seriously not a thing!  It’s not real and it’s not a damn thing.  So stupid.  (Here I’d ask you to “allow” me to explain, but I don’t really give a rat’s ass if you’ll allow me anyway [Two points to Moon for acknowledging how little I care]):

There are nights I’ve drank myself into a coma, a legit "how did I wake up with half a pizza on my shoulder?" coma.  If alcohol poisoning were a thing, I’d have it biweekly.  If I have not gotten it yet to have my stomach pumped, it is not a thing 100% fictitious.  If moon has not gotten it, it is not a thing either then it really and truly is not a thing.  Surely musical lawyer, who actually coined the phrase "losing time," would have gotten it at LEEEEAST once if it were actually a thing.  I mean, realistically there are nights I’ve easily put back 20 drinks.  PLUS shots!!  And I’ve never gotten alcohol poisoning.  Hence... it is not a thing.

I have legitimately seen moon put a way a BOTTLE of Jameson.  Did I have to call an ambulance on her?  Absolutely not.  It did not even enter my mind.  And despite how I can often be a questionable friend, I am perfectly willing to call an ambulance on a friend if need be. There are nights where I’ve seen moon drink so much and oh my god, that she could be considered legally blind in most states. she is practically BLIND.  No ambulance.  All this does is make us want a nice sandwich and an extra large bloody mary for breakfast.

There was a night not too long ago when I left moon on the lower east side and ended up at home (albeit, after several attempts).  I had to go to Port Authority to do so and I have legit no recollection of how I got there.  I may have walked.  I may have taken a cab.  You could tell me that I took a goddamned stupid thing with the bikes that guys bicycle you around in with William Baldwin and I’d believe you because I have 100% no idea how I got there. This night was also filled with screaming at a garbage boy, denying my inebriation (the #1 sign that someone is hammer towned), and losing a boot in MY APARTMENT that I still have not managed to locate.

And NOOOOOO one had to call an ambulance on me.  Hence, not a thing.  Alcohol poisoning = not a thing.  Believe me… I’ve been inadvertently TRYING for YEARS.  There’s just no way it’s a thing. 

It makes me furious that people get this thing that is not a thing.  Not.  A.  Thing.

-stars

-   -   -

I’d like to add that during the conversation between stars and myself during which these points were made, I said something hilarious which I could not incorporate into a blog from stars’ point of view, so I’m appending it here.  It was:

“You know what… I walked into this conversation thinking that it was a thing.  Because if people tell you that something is a thing enough, you start to believe it’s a thing.  But now I just don’t think it’s a thing.”

-moon

grievance: the economy (the sequel)

A follow up to raging out at... the economy: I went to this pizza place near my office called "99 Cent Fresh Pizza" to buy 5 pizzas for something at work. Someone in my office had mentioned before that this has turned into a modern day bread line. And she was right. But the worst part about this, which prompted me to take a video, is that there was a dude on line counting CHANGE from his pocket to buy this pizza. Holy shit. This isn't even funny.



Well... I guess it's a little funny that I awkwardly videotaped it on my BlackBerry, hoping for no one to see. Whoops.

-moon

raging out at... looking unassuming

Why is it that, without fail, no matter how many empty seats there are on a bus, the next person to get on will always sit right next to me? I would always prefer no one sit next to me, but I can live with it on a crowded, rush hour day. But as I write this, there are approximately 20 open seats on the bus and of course some man eating a sandwich and speaking Spanish at 135 decibels on his cell phone is directly next to me squashing me into the window.

Screw off, bastards of public transportation.

-stars

grievance: corn on salads

I really just don't get it.  I don't think that corn belongs on salads.  At all.  And every time I go get a salad for lunch, there's some asshole in front of me who's getting like the strangest array of shit on his or her salad.  And it always involves corn.  And it makes me hideously angry.  It's an atrocity.

Goddamned atrocity.

A goddamned atrocity which makes me hideously angry.

-moon

raging out at... buying birthday gifts

Maybe it's just me, but why is it a million times more difficult to buy a man you're involved with a birthday present? Women are far simpler in at least this one respect. If you've been romantically involved for a long time, you're always safe with diamond earrings. If it's a relatively new relationship or she's a good friend you're hoping for more with, you can always order flowers or some gift basket of lotion and body products. Everywhere practically online delivers these things (in most cases, you can even pay extra if you wait until the actual day you need it). It requires no effort other than having an internet connection and a credit card number.

But not so much for men. Today I'm struggling because every single factor that could come into play to make gift-giving difficult has arisen. I know everyone is beyond excited for me to list all these factors, so please wait no more and allow me.

1. Confusing Ambiguous Relationship Status
I am sure at some point you've attempted to buy a gift for a person you're kinda sorta seeing but is definitely not your boyfriend/girlfriend but has seen you naked and still talks to you so you're not off the hook. Is that sentence confusing? Good, because that embodies exactly how confusing it is to buy this person something. You can't go overboard with the gift because then you look like you're reading more into things than are actually there. But if you're totally thoughtless, you may give off the vibe that you don't care. Fantastic. Does anyone know a website for thoughtful yet nonchalant and breezy gifts?

2. For The Guy/Gal Who Has Everything
It's been said time and again, but truly, what in the holy balls do you buy someone who has everything? Back in the day, it was always relatively simple to buy my broke ass part-time waiter college boyfriend something. There was always some video game or random item he desperately wanted but was too busy spending his 4 dollar paycheck on beer to buy. Not exactly romantic but always much appreciated when I picked it up for him. But as you get older and you start to date not-pothead-waiters, it's much more difficult. If you land yourself a good dude with a great job, you may have hit the life jackpot, but it's the whammy of gift giving - especially if you're anything like me and a good chunk of the American population and are broke as hell. I can see it now. "Hey rich boy, I reached into the depths of my brain and bank account and pulled out this Barnes and Noble gift card for $18.34. No need to thank me, you enjoying 2 and a half magazines is all the thanks I need." Ugh.

3. Not Knowing Someone Quite Well Enough
This actually is only a minor issue, but an issue none the less. Not knowing someone well enough eliminates gag gifts (who knows how they will react?) and tiny gifts that, while inexpensive, are something so perfect for the person that the cost is a non-issue.

4. Birthday On A Sunday
This really sets me off. Inevitably, when you wait until the last minute, you can still have something delivered. Unless, of course, the gift receiver in question's birthday lands on a Sunday. In that case, you're screwed. Nothing says "hey I hope maybe you and I turn into the real deal" better than a box of Snookie's Cookies that arrives a day too late. Outstanding, so now not only does my gift suck but it sucks belatedly.

Well, I should perhaps leave you all with that last one. It is Sunday, after all, and I still haven't bought a gift.

-stars

rageful grievance: quitting... AND THEN BEING FIRED!!! (another moon and stars collaboration)

Moon/Stars: We have a little story to tell. We will tell it together.

Moon: So about seven and a half months ago, I got fired from my bartending job and was still very much in a place in my life where I NEEDED to have a bartending job to pay my bills. It was shocking and sudden and all of my connections fell through. I ended up getting a job at a smoking bar/hookah lounge on the lower east side via craigslist, whose name I will omit because this blog will indubitably be horrendous. I mean, stars, we do "do" pretty "weird" and "awful," no? Writing this together, our "doing horrendous" will be magnified, I think.
Moon: now you say something lol
Stars: lol sorry was getting a smoke
Moon: lmao that is crucial.
Moon: i'm actually going include that part lmao
Stars: We have absolutely been known to do weird, horrendous and disrespectful more often than not.
Moon: So, in any event, I spent a couple of months working at this bar. Making zero money (even when adjusting for the recession) but loving the crap out of all of my coworkers. Then my bestie, stars, moves back and needs a quick fix for money while scoping out jobs, so I brought her ass in and got her a job. What exactly did you get hired to do, stars?
Stars: Well, the bar in question started out dicey for me. I came in agreeing to do a handful of shifts checking patrons' IDs with the understanding that I would then be moved to cocktail waitress or bartend. The managers swore they just needed help for those few shifts. So despite my résumé making me qualified to have the majority of the staff there working under me, desperate for cash, I agreed.
Moon: So together we worked in this ridiculous place, making close to no money, but compensating for it by getting really ridiculously hammered and being rude to people.
Stars: Yeah, when working for little to no money (often I made barely more than what the commute to the place cost), we compensated by saving the money we would spend on a night out drinking. And were we awful to people? No question. But before anyone jumps to conclusions, the vibe of the place wasn't exactly "the customer is always right."
Moon: And you often punched people, no?
Stars: Yes, sometimes I punched people. In my defense, it was usually an accident... that does not mean I didn't find it hysterical.
Moon: I'm going to an open a bar CALLED "The Customer is Always Wrong."
Stars: I would go there every day because I am always wrong.
Moon: And I will hire you and their first exposure to the place will be you punching them at the door.
Stars: There's actually a bar in Asia where you can beat the holy hell out of the employees. This would be like that in reverse. It would get press.
Moon: I love that you know that. In any event, stars had been getting into several altercations-via-text a week with one of our managers. And he was losing them all.
Stars: Which I find laughable as the boss should never lose an argument, unless they were born without a pair. Is that too mean? Don't answer because I don't care.
Moon: You never care. In any event, they'd been kind of dicking stars around, giving her shifts, taking them back. And well... me... I have no defense. I just have no regard for rules whatsoever. We're not allowed to drink at work. I like to drink. You can see the incumbent conundrum.
Stars: Hey I found the link! http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2006-08/07/content_658196.htm
Moon: You would.
Stars: No, I don't ever care nor did they give me a reason to change my usual behavior. On top of being jerked around for shifts, they also had me come in for unpaid bartending training only to inform me afterward that there were no available shifts. I don't like wasting my time nearly as much as moon likes drinking.
Moon: And I not as much as you. (That's completely extraneous for the story but felt it necessary to use that ridiculous sentence structure 'cause it's funny.)
Stars: I approve of inserting any inane sentence structure at any given moment. Approved.
Moon: Thank you for approval. Not that I care. So, getting back to what happened... a couple of months ago I got a REAL job (don't yell at me, bartenders) using my degree (Political Science) and stuck it out with the bartending for a bit to put a bit of a dent in my accrued college debt. This weekend, I decided I was far too burnt out and "over it," so I put up on Facebook that everyone should come visit me because it'd be one of my last bartending shifts. My manager saw this and pleaded with me to not quit because "everyone loves you" and offered me any shift I wanted, etc. (This is important because [well, I guess you already know due to the title of this] of what ended up happening.) But I essentially gave my "two weeks' notice." Stars, how did you handle giving in your two weeks'?
Stars: Unfortunately, in the case of dueling "notices," the Facebook status update ends up being the classier one.
Moon: Eh... what're ya gonna do?
Stars: This past weekend, I was relegated back to checking IDs after my oh-so-awesome promotion to checking coats. I know, I know, hold your applause. The bouncer I was working with was one I didn't know and a total dick from hell, let's not mince words. He seemed to want to instruct my every move, despite the fact that no one has ever needed a degree in ID Checking. I, of course, complained. My manager begged me to let him think that. I got upset and said I would do no such thing and he could consider this my notice.
Moon: So, while that was going on, I was pretty busy getting HAMMERED and hanging out with my friends... oh yes, that's right about 25 of my (our, actually) friends came in that night to celebrate our friend, Mike's, birthday. So not only was I drinking, and drinking boldly, but I was drinking on camera. And doing a lot of it. And taking a lot of breaks to give relationship counseling to (I swear to God) multiple friends.
Stars: Yes, you did have your hands full that night. I, on the other hand, was trapped in the hallway, missing my friend, Mike's, birthday despite having asked for the night off to enjoy my friend's day.
Moon: So... stars, you're really going to have to take it from here for a little while, because most of the rest of the night is a bit blurry for me. Thanks, Patron. ... and Jagermeister. ... and Jameson. Good ol' Jame-o.
Stars: Well, in all fairness, my sobriety was out the window pretty early on. But long story short, I quit more than once, then was offered moon's Saturday night "money making" shift if I would agree to stay.
Moon: "Money making." (Wry laugh.)
Stars: Seriously. Our post on the economy (raging out at... the economy) was written a day after pulling in cash during one of these big money shifts.
Moon: Touché.
Stars: Regardless, the night ended, though filled with animosity, with both moon and I both having been begged to stay and being promised all kinds of excess if we would not abandon the bar.
Stars: And with both of us having stood firm on our 2 weeks' notices.
Moon: N.B.: I walked out with less than a hundred dollars.
Stars: On a Saturday night?
Moon: On a Satur-goddamned-day night.
Stars: That's pathetic.
Moon: So, on Monday morning, while I was at work, I got a text from a friend who also happens to be one of the managers (however not the aforementioned manger with whom stars was waging war) saying essentially that I'd been FIRED due to drinking at work. FIRED. I'm sorry, but the whole "you can't fire me... I quit" aphorism? Yeah, like, that actually HAPPENED. I immediately shared this news with stars who thought, as did I, it to be the most hilarious thing that had ever happened. Especially because I had acted in no way different on that night than I had for the last seven months and by that I mean, well, ok, umm, I guess, err, I may have a mild drinking problem.
Stars: Ha! Yes, this is a point I hadn't thought of before. Despite our terrible behavior, it was no worse than anything we had done prior. I would even say, without revealing any more, that there were even certain horrible activities that I often partake in that I did not do this past weekend.
Moon: So, no one even technically "fired" me. I had to BBM (Blackberry Messenger message) my "manager" and I swear to the HOLY HEAVENS this is how the conversation went:
--
Moon: Hey, so should we get on with this?
Manager: ?
[Seriously with the question mark? C'mon.]
Moon: Aren't you supposed to, like, "fire" me?
Manager: Lol I kindof am, but I guess you already know that :)
[Seriously? A smiley face?]
--
This was all after he called you, though, no, stars?
Stars: Unbelievable. Yes, it was. The "manager" and I had a talk that went something like this:
--
Stars: Hey "manager," you called? What do you want?
Manager: Just want to let you know we are not going to be doing your shifts this week.
Stars: Great, so I am fired. Fabulous. When can I get my money?
--
I basically had to fire myself.
Moon: I got a good ol' "well, your shifts are covered from now on." I even said "DON'T YOU HAVE TO FIRE ME OR SOMETHING?" Nothing. ANNNNNND I'd already quit. You. CAN. NOT. make. this. shit. up.
Stars: I don't even think my wild imagination could have invented this. I was also told they were unhappy with "some other stuff." No mention of what said stuff was, just... stuff.
Moon: So, in conclusion... I quit and then I got fired. Is that a good summation of what happened to you? ... ON THE SAME DAY? ... FROM THE SAME PLACE?
Stars: Yep, that paragraph can be quoted VERBATIM for me. What the hell is wrong with these people?
Moon: It can't be us. We are way too awesome.

This is a picture of us from that very night with a caption (via stars) about how no one dares to say a word to us:


-moon/stars