grievance: subtitles

I just got into the show Lost. And it's a major, major problem in my life. Especially because I'd just started a new job when I started watching the show. So I basically have no life whatsoever because when I'm not doing work or at work, I'm watching Lost. Oh well. I guess there are worse things than a TV show to which I could be addicted. And let me tell you: it really has become an addiction. (I started watching on Saturday, March 7th and today, on Sunday, March 15th, I'm in the middle of season 2. Kind of problematic.)

With that said, this is not "Grievance: My Inability to Stop Watching Lost." It is, as is titularly expressed, a grievance for subtitles, grammatically speaking. And I'm so upset that it had to be brought to my attention via my new favorite show, but so it has.

Today watching an episode, an entire portion of the dialogue was spoken in Korean and subtitled into English. And not once, but TWICE, did the subtitlers (?) make a grammatical mistake. And the same one. Hey, I guess they're at least consistently stupid.

Of course, I got up on my high horse and decided to not only take a screen-freeze of both (which may get me in trouble for some kind of copyright replication violation or something - oh well) but to also take a veritable "red pen" to this "paper." Ugh...



I've laid this point out in excruciating detail in "grievance: abuse of the english language part deux (english 102)." ("5. Commas ALWAYS go inside quotation marks. As do periods. It doesn't make sense. But you HAVE to do it that way. Tough shit.") And I am, as Tommy would say, "comfortable with" the fact that no one acknowledges or cares about grammar. But the thing "with" which I am not "comfortable" is that this is, like, the most expensive television show EVER. And they don't have ONE single person on staff who understands the rules of grammar? Especially the people who are DOING the subtitles? I would assume that if you're going to pour THAT much money into a television show that you wouldn't want to embarrass yourself with something as easily-caught as this.

And it's kind of insulting to the American people that no one over at Lost cared enough to hire someone who was, I don't know, able to write properly? That no one there thought it salient enough an issue? That no one thought "hey, tons of people are watching this. Let's not further sully the utter conflagration that is the English language?"

That's all.

-moon

grievance: bamboozle edition

Maybe I should subsume Orion's shit that sucks: nightclub clusterfuck sxsw edition, Stars' raging out at... the coachella edition and this into "A Shitty Rageout Grievance: Outdoor Concert Festivals," n'est-ce pas? Seriously... when has anyone enjoyed him/herself at one of these? I'd have to say never.

Historically speaking, Bamboozle blows. Its predecessor, Skate and Surf, also... blew.

Viz... Skate and Surf 2003:

(Yeah... that's me IN a merch box, trying to hide/sleep due to severe unhappiness. Also... I do understand that black hair does not look good on me. Ohhhhhh to be 18 again.)

Skate and Surf 2004:

(The middle finger = always a telling sign that one is having fun. Also a telling sign? Stars eating pull-and-peel Twizzlers AT a show.)

Bamboozle 2005:

(In short: what a miserable-looking group of people.)

Bamboozle 2006/2007:

(Absent picture. Why? Because I didn't go. After those three years... no thanks.)

Okay... so this year, my friend asked me if I would "sell merch" for a band with whom she is friends, thinking she would be in L.A. So I agreed. Why not? I'd spent two years away from this abomination. Plus... my favorite band since I was 14 years old, Jimmy Eat World, was playing.

WORST.

EXPERIENCE.

OF MY LIFE.

The way the "merch" was set up was under this tent against the periphery of the concert "dwelling" (if you will). The weather: freezing, raining.

"Merch" check-in spot was a vast distance from the actual booth, so I had to wait alone, in the freezing rain for about an hour trying to get a freakin' golf cart to bring my shit over to the place I'd be spending the next 9 hours shivering. Not to mention, this began at 9:00 A.M., after having bartended until 5:30 A.M. the night before.

Back to my whole periphery-based merch. The day was cold... I was wearing the following:

1. A tube top;

2. A wool turtle-neck;

3. A cardigan;

4. A blazer;

5. A jacket with a hood.

Still.

Freezing.

As the day warmed up, the only thing which did NOT warm up was the "merch" area, because the wind was coming from behind us and we (my dumb ass and the other "merch"-purveyors) were the "things" blocking the wind from the rest of the concert area. So I realized that there was legitimately a 7 degree difference between the merch area and 3 steps forward from it. I spent the day shivering with a hood on, stapled to this table, starving, exhausted and cranky.

And then I had to watch Sebastian Bach's flabby armpit fat flap around as he relived his glory-days.

I did however get to redeem this atrocious work by getting to see Jimmy Eat World from backstage. And I did get a picture with the lead singer, Jim, which essentially made me pee my pants. But of course as soon as J.E.W. started playing, it started raining. So my picture with Jim looks like a picture of Jim and a swollen, pissed off, wet rat:

Don't even get me started on Warped Tour...

-moon

grievance: annoying children "actors" ruining my christmas

Why does the romanticization of Christmas necessarily produce the most annoying breed of children possible? I pose this question to you not only because I have no possible explanation. I pose this question to you because I am personally offended.

Annoying Children - Instance 1: I went to see "Wintuk," the new Cirque du Soleil which is posed more as a cohesive story than their traditional stagings. There are feats of acrobatic wonder, of course, but they are streamed together via a young boy whose intense (and absurd) facination with snow has caused me to name him "gay for snow." He spends the entire two hours of the "play" saying "wow, that thing you guys have trained to do for years is pretty cool, but there's something missing!". "Where's the snow?" "I want it to snow!" "Snow, snow, snow!" "I want to make love to a snowman in a snowbank with Bing Crosby singing 'White Christmas,' while snow falls all over my gay-for-snow head!" (Fine. He didn't say that. But he may as well have.)

This kid was so offensive that I actually no longer like snow. When "snow" fell on the audience, I was disgusted. Get over yourself. You're not Mother Nature. It will snow soon enough.

Annoying Children - Instance 2: I watched a movie called "A Grandpa For Christmas" last night (which was followed by a movie called "A Boyfriend For Christmas" - gag). Note: I did not watch this lame ass holiday-movie-for-lonely-chicks.

This total brat was the main character. And later on, she sang and danced... So my only theory to reconcile this awful casting is that they chose her based on THOSE abilities. However, in a holiday movie, it's pretty much a hard-and-fast rule that you've gotta at least empathize with the main character.

I did not empathize with her.

I wanted to light her stupid pigtails on fire and slap her in the face with them.

I would much prefer to actually LIKE the character whose journey I am on and have the producers find someone else' track to which she can lip sync. Nobody sings live anymore anyway.

So, essentially what we have is a kid who is gay for snow and a brat who can sing and dance, both of whom I hate.

Good luck to the children I will someday have. If they act up, they may end up buried in snow with their grandpa.

Merry Christmas.

-moon