FUCK the MTA. Yes, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority. Seriously. I suppose that I have to address the "fare hike" here despite the fact that this isn't why I'm raging out at the MTA. The problem I have with the fare hike isn't that I can't deal with paying 5 more dollars on a monthly unlimited MetroCard. The problem is in that if you do NOT buy a monthly and get a 20- or 40-dollar card, you end up with a random-ass balance on your card which you need to put extra money on to validate its existence. You get less of a discount. So you end up with 10 rides, and a dollar-fifty left or something like that. (Details of inanities be not my forte.) Fuck off. I'm not loading 50 goddamned cents onto my card. Bunch of bullshit.
I'm not going to delve into an intricate explanation and divertissement of the fact that this fare hike is a bunch of bullshit because it's going to maintain the current debt situation of the MTA, not to help ameliorate the transit system. Because that's a whole different can o' worms. Although, come to think of it, if you paid your "staff" better, MTA, my problem never would have happened...
On the way to work Saturday eve', I was on the M15 which, for those of you who do not live in New York City, or are of the breed who "doesn't do buses" despite using subways, runs up First and down Second Avenues. Directly after the bus left the Delancey Street "station," I hit the "button." (I like using quotation marks.) And the stupid asshole voice came on saying "Stop Requested," akin in ennui level to "Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please." A block before Grand Street, I got up to get off the bus, and saw a co-worker, who I did not know was on the bus as well, getting up too. And then all of a sudden, I see him hit the strip again.
And we go zooming past Grand Street. We're on the CUSP of being late for work, so when we stop at the next light, which is before the next stop, i.e. Canal Street, I go up to the bus driver and explain that I had IN FACT hit the strip, and asked politely if we could get off while we were stopped since we were trying to get to work on time.
We were STOPPED. It's not as if I was asking him to do me a favor. He NEGLECTED to stop after I had requested the stop. And I was just asking him to OPEN the doors where we were. Also, important: NOT ONE OTHER SOUL ON THE BUS besides my coworker and me.
That was just MEAN.
Furthermore, yesterday I waited for the very same bus line up on 67th Street and Second Avenue for TWENTY-TWO MINUTES. The bus panel said "every 6 or 7 minutes" for my time arena. It was freezing. I finally, after waiting in the cold, had to pay 10 bucks for a cab ride in a straight line along the bus route.
And with what was I greeted? STUPID TAXITV.
-moon
3.13.2008
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1. Erratum: The Metropolitan Transportation Authority was created, and exists, pursuant to the "Public Authorities Law" of the STATE of New York (not the City).
ReplyDelete2. The bus-driver that wouldn't stop for you is a douche!
[note: use of Latin in first point and French in second point]
3. As you know, I can not comment on the efficiency of either the subways or the buses. I will therefore refrain from doing so.
4. I still dig TaxiTV. Get over it! Stop being a "hater" (I too enjoy the gratuitous usage of quotation marks!) . . . (as well as exclamation points, elipses and parentheticals!!!!)
5. Did I mention that the bus driver was a douche??
P.S. - the only thing that would make this blog better is if Stars was riding on a bus (at 5:00 a.m.) with a pocketbook full of loose cigarettes, when she noticed John Mayer sitting behind her. All of this, of course, would occur whilst sitting across from high school kids, sipping Midori Sours, on their way to Shoegasm, accompanied only by Abe Vigoda (who is still alive!).
ReplyDeleteWAIT - - I must add the topper: the douche bus driver gets pulled over by Officer Yu of the L.A.P.D. (hey! It could happen!!), who gives Monsieur Le'Douche Bus Driver a handful of "Fix It" tickets!
1. You are right. My bad. Faux pas par moi. Kudos on the Latin.
ReplyDelete2. I refuse to give you kudos for use of "douche" as "French."
3. Pompous!
4. TaxiTV blows. Stop it.
5. You are correct.
P.P.S. THAT IS THE BEST COMMENT OF ALL TIME. I hope that happens.
Though the exact translation of the word "douche" is somewhat debated ("wash" vs. "soak" vs. "shower"), it is unquestionably a French word. The fact that Summer's Eve and Massengill have chosen to commercialize and market a product that is incorrectly named (the French term would be "douche vaginale"), should not --in any fashion-- detract from the credit I deserve for bilingual posting.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't be "big" enough to give me my props, . . . you can Mangez Merde!!
Just when I thought I couldn't hate Officer Yu any more than I already do, you present the idea of hating him at 5 am. I hope he arrests John Mayer.
ReplyDeleteAs promised, here I am to destroy your comment, which walks the fine line of utter pretense and, pun very much intended, douchebaggery.
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE "douche" is derived from the French word douche whose literal translation into English is two-fold: a shower-like cleansing and a shower-like cleansing for the vagina. That said, once words emerge in everyday colloquy and use of another language, usually with a modified pronunciation, such as kamikaze, it is no longer un mot etrange. It has its own English definition. You would never say that "amicus curiae" is a Latin phrase. It is legal terminology of the English language which has taken on a meaning of its own via use in English.
Furthermore, you cannot blame these companies. That is like yelling at farmers for selling "skim milk." It is supposed to be "skimmed milk." It has been truncated
If you hadn't been so damned pompous and filled with hubris in expectans te laudeas, I would have. Traduisez-ca... ou cette... si tu es un... comment dit-on... "big shot"?
No verdaderament puedo empezar a dar comentario en "Mangez Merde" por que es HORRIBLE!
Take that, bitch!
REALLY? "Amicus Curiae" is an English term? REALLY?? DO ANY of the readers of this Blog know what the term means? Do ANY of you belive it to be a part of the everyday English "colloquy"??
ReplyDeleteLatin is Latin Moon! And French is French. And Merde is Merde!
And a douche . . . is always a douche (and is always a French word) mon ami!
I said that it was LEGAL TERMINOLOGY. If you are an ATTORNEY (or a fucking "Avocat de musique" [which, by the way, means "Lawyer of music" or "Music lawyer" which is not what you are. You are a "Musical lawyer" which would be "Avocat Musicale," which I failed to attack before but deserves to be attacked]) you know what that means and do not revert to the Latin meaning of such. You are existing in a vocabulary-bound paradigm which others attorneys share.
ReplyDeleteIn the same way, scientists use "homo erectus" and sure, most people know what that means. But there are other variants of "man" in evolution whose names I personally do not know but a scientist would.
You have no concept of language! Pish posh! I'm getting aggravated that you are honestly challenging this on such silly, silly grounds.
Heee heee - she said Homo.
ReplyDeleteHeee Heee - she said erectus!