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grievance: guys in bars

If you've spoken to me recently, you've probably already heard my rant about this, but I think it ought to be addressed.

When did bar etiquette completely go out the window?

A couple of weeks ago, I was bartending, and two nights in a row something similar happened in which the end result was the same. I was told I was ugly.

Okay. Night number one... old mess of a guy left over from happy hour. Sober enough to ask me for a drink and talk my ear off. Then he went downstairs for a party and one of my fellow bartenders, I can only assume, didn't realize how drunk he was and got him absolutely hammered. He then proceeded to try to hit on me for several hours. He was unsuccessful. Thus, he felt it was appropriate to become hostile and angry and... I guess, try to use reverse psychology on me because I was unreceptive to his luscious lips and raw sex appeal. And by "reverse psychology," I mean give me the finger, tell me to fuck off, and tell me I was "ugly, anyway."

Okay. So this was an old pathetic dude. But the next night, I was working downstairs and a bunch of kids that worked at Apple were out to see their (god awful) friend with an acoustic guitar play bad songs. They were young and semi-attractive and sweet boys. It was one's birthday at 12, so they all got pretty drunk, but it was also the day before the iPhone launch, so they all had to cut out pretty early. So after having PLEASANT conversation with me all evening, he decided to wait for me upstairs while I finished up downstairs. I had no idea. So I went upstairs after about an hour of sitting in the office with one of my bosses, making fun of bands on MySpace. And he was waiting for me... alone. He then asked me to stay and have a drink and I was too tired and didn't feel like dealing with a drunk douche. So when I tried to leave, he asked me if he could ask me "a small favor." The favor was to STAY AT MY APARTMENT because he lived in Brooklyn. When I gave him an answer he didn't like, he followed us down the street yelling like a lunatic about how I'm a "cunt" and I'm "ugly, anyway."

What gives? I understand the whole drunken psychology behind "I hit on a girl and she rejected me so I'm going to be a dick,"...... I guess. But like, calling girls "ugly"? What are you hoping to elicit with that? All of a sudden I'm going to change my mind about sleeping with you? Or you're protecting your "pride" in front of... nobody?

Moral of the story: don't call random people ugly when they won't sleep with you.

Better rule of thumb: don't hit on bartenders. We don't want to hang out with you. And by deductive reasoning, you can pretty much figure that we don't want you inside us. Calling us "ugly" will NOT change that.

Thank you.



shit that sucks - journey

Dear Music Supervisor for The Closer,

As a music fan I have embraced the fact that the studios behind TV's one hour dramas have decided to go green and reduce the number of pages in episode scripts by eliminating dialogue from the last five minutes of a show and replacing them with a montage. Often the music chosen is quite good and a few artists are even crediting these license opportunities with jump starting their careers, and for that, I applaud your work. But really, have new artists stopped sending you demos, or were you so inspired by the series finale of the Sopranos that you decided you just HAD to close your show with "Don't Stop Believing" as well?

I refuse to believe that an equal emotional response couldn't have been triggered from the use of a piece of music that wasn't just chosen as the soundtrack to what may just be one of the most controversial moments in the history of television.


-orion's belt buckle


grievance: iphones

This is my one and only complaint regarding iPhones:

I really, really, really, really, really, really want one.




grievance: overpopularization of "don't stop believin'" et alii

Okay... this is in some ways a dual blog wherein I purport to microcosmically use "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey to exemplify a larger problem. But the particular problem with what will be referred to as "DSB" hereupon is very real and I am VERY serious about it.

No. I don't watch The Sopranos and if one more person asks me, I will, in the words of "stars" "wipe [him or her] off the face of the earth." I'm sure it's a great show... blah blah blah. But come on. Articles in newspapers about the HORROR of the season finale? There are plenty of Washington scandals that could be filling that space. Or matters of war... oh that silly war. Clearly Whoever Soprano is more important.

As much as that annoyed me, it is the slowly trickling aftermath creeping into bars that is really getting under my skin. Apparently EVERYONE is obsessed with Journey now? Journey is so good that I love it with all of my body, including my pee pee (see Real Ultimate Power) and it makes me super angry that now that it's been used in this LIFE-ALTERING season finale of an HBO show, everyone thinks they're the shit.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not one of those elitist music-listeners that gets angry when a band she loves becomes super popular and then accuses them of "selling out, dude, that's so whack," especially in this case because Journey is clearly not an underground band. My problem is that everyone makes fun of me for liking cheesy music. And Journey is the cheesiest of all. And now apparently cheesy is in vogue.

Such crap.

This brings me to the "cosmic" part of the microcosm... an extrapolation of people's distaste for the music I like. What the hell is wrong with liking music that sounds good? "Ugh... I hate pop." What is that? It's POPULAR for a reason. Good songs are good songs. It's not like they become less good when more people like them. Before that music became "pop" it was simply LIKED by its listeners. Par example, Maroon 5. Well, maybe not the best example because I think they pretty much blow now... but still. Way back in.. er... 2003... when they were OPENING for local Long Island bands, playing to NO ONE at the Vanderbilt, they were viewed as edgy and funky and so DIFFERENT. I was proud to say I liked Maroon 5, and try to introduce everyone I knew to them because it was quality music... well, Songs About Jane was a quality record. And now they have no credibility because they're super popular. I don't even want my hoodie back, Frankie, but thanks for being so on top of that. Although the Used DVD would be nice. All of my friends who loved rock music were NUTSO about Maroon 5. Now, the idea of waxing optimistic about them is impossible because no one would ever take me seriously. But the fact remains...THEY ARE GOOD. What does that have to do with anything else?

My major problem isn't with the trend toward hating popular music. It's with people secretly liking popular music and pretending they don't. This is why I defend my music taste viciously... because it's constantly being assaulted by people who project themselves as interested in strange chord progressions and time signatures. But how can you hate on pop and then claim you love the Beatles? Really. Seriously. REALLY.

I was at work the other night working with the bands and there were these three hardcore bands. Screaming. No melody. Just screaming. I don't get it. That doesn't sound GOOD. It just doesn't!!! Vocal melody (and harmony!!) is an INTEGRAL part of a song. Someone explain the allure behind that kind of music, please.

Anyway, my point is essentially that music is supposed to be pleasing to the ears! Why do people pretend they don't like pleasant things?

Also, stop playing DSB in bars. Play Journey. But not that. At least until some other show uses Livin' On A Prayer for its season finale. Oh god. I'll just kill myself if it becomes cool to like that song.