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grievance: bar etiquette (2)

As my bartending days seem to be coming to a very (welcomed) end, I thought it best to address this very small grievance. It is, of course, for the greater good of humanity to understand that this behavior about which I am about to rage is NOT acceptable.

A patron walks into the bar and asks the bartender "what kind of beers do you have on draught?" Already pretty damned annoying seeing as the draught beers are inherently on display. They are IN FRONT of you, patron. But fine. So the bartender either points (if he or she is in a bad mood) or spells it out and lists every single one there is.

"Sam Adams... Stella... Blue Moon... Guinness... Brooklyn Lager... Amstel...."

Herein lies the idiocy:

"Do you have Newcastle?"

And then the bartender goes into a J.D.-from-Scrubs-like-daydream in which he or she jumps across the bar and strangles the person to death.

If you asked me what was on draught and I told you, why would you ask me if I have something else? WHY? Do you think that I'm telepathic and I know exactly which beer it is that you would like and am trying to torture you by hiding the fact that I have exactly what you want?

I seriously think these people should be knocked over the head with a pint glass.



  1. See! This is the problem with the service industry! Whatever happened to "the customer is always right?"
    Answer the damned question!
    Yes, I realize that it seems so straight-forward to you. You just listed off six beers, none of which was Newcastle and the customer (who's always right, in case I hadn't mentioned that already) follows up with a stupid question. My response? "No, as I said, we only have Sam Adams... Stella... Blue Moon... Guinness... Brooklyn Lager... Amstel on tap. Can I interest you in one of those, or would you prefer to hear our bottled beer selection?"
    Perhaps you, as bartender, were speaking too quickly; perhaps it was too noisy to hear what you were saying; perhaps he was too distracted by your rack, to hear the beer selections you rattled off. Whatever the case may be, the customer is always right.
    So, I reject your rageout. I reject your grievance.

    Now, . . . one more time, which beers do you have on tap??

  2. Don't you mean "Whatever happened to 'the customer is always right'?"

    ... DICK.