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1.04.2008

shit that sucks: anti-malaria medication

I recently took a trip to the Dominican Republic. Lots of people go there for vacation. A lot of those people are pretty stupid, so I figured there were not real risks involved. I like to think that if stupid people can do it often it's a pretty safe bet. Like getting a learner's permit. Look around you. The people passing basically have trouble remembering to inhale and exhale regularly, so you figure that you'll be fine. So I thought nothing of going to a third-world country for a five day vacation.

Then my girlfriend began asking me if it was safe to take the cab from the airport to the resort, terrified that some rogue cab driver would kidnap two good-looking Americans and hold them for ransom (1 US Dollar = 38 Dominican Pesos). So I'm Google-ing "Punta Cana" and all of a sudden I see the CDC Website telling travelers to take anti-Malaria pills and be vaccinated for Hepatitis A. This is all well and good, except that this was all being found out 24 hours before my plane was to take off.

So my girlfriend managed to get ahold of her doctor (I don't really have one; I have a fear of them) who told her that she had to take them, as did I. So, I take the pill. You take one the day you leave for your trip, and then one per week for the next three weeks after your return.

What no one mentioned to me was that the pills screw with your sleep. You wake up almost every hour and have the strangest dreams. I mean weird shit. First I had a dream that I was in Malaysia being chased by cannibals who wanted to roast me and stuff me inside of a pig's intestines. Then I was unable to graduate college because I failed an advanced course on the quadratic equation (which is interesting because I have graduated college, and never once took a math course). What is weirder is that I've woken up unable to decipher the dream world from the real world. I rarely, if ever, actually remember my dreams, let alone waking up thinking they are real. Last night I dreamt that I was being forced to spend the day at Roseland Ballroom at a DVD authoring convention, and then woke up in a panic that I was running late for it, and couldn't believe that I would have to spend my whole day there.

I have two and a half more weeks of this awesomeness, and it sucks.

-orion's belt buckle

1 comment:

  1. The Musical CannibalJanuary 5, 2008 at 4:09 PM

    Ok, well, first of all, there are plenty of people who pay good money for pills that cause hallucinations. Consider yourself fortunate that you have a doctor's 'scrip and get through it.

    I think the most troubling and offensive part of this entire entry is the poor culinary taste of the Malaysian cannibals. Clearly, human tastes better when BRAISED; not roasted. The meat is far too tough and has to be tenderized. A long, slow braising (with frequent basting) is really the only way to go!

    Of course the above cooking tip may just be a dream/hallucination!

    (I hope you enjoyed your trip to D.R. Happy New Year!)

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